ron: hi charlie. how are you? i am fine. my friends have an illegal dragon and we need it to go somewhere safe and also secret so we don’t get in trouble. don’t tell mum.
I would most definitely take a job at Jurassic Park, IF I got to make recommendations that would be actually listened to and wouldn’t be fired for swearing. The job of a veterinarian should not be to do what you are told by your employer, it should be to solve problems and advocate for the welfare of the animals in your care.
The Tyranosaus get’s enrichment, the sauropods get enrichment, the stegosaurs get enrichment, everybody gets enrichment.
We are not feeding Jurassic carnivores meat from mammals which they are likely ill-suited to digest and metabolize. We know aquarium fish, which are not adapted to eating mammals, develop cardiac and fat distribution problems if their protein is supplemented with beef so let’s aim for a slightly more ‘natural’ diet of bird and reptile proteins (crocodile, anyone?)
Like, seriously, let’s not train a prehistoric reptile, brought back to the modern world with no parents to teach it about food, to see mammals as a source of food. It shouldn’t have any innate instincts to do so, so lets leave well enough alone.
In fact, let’s not give them live prey at all. I think not training the dinosaurs to hunt is probably a good idea.
Lets get somebody who knows what they’re doing to design enclosures so we can see the animals, and give them enough space to not go stir crazy.
While we’re at it, the enclosures for larger animals can have more safety features – bolt holes for humans that the biggest critters can’t fit through, honestly we even have these in livestock handling facilities, it’s not that hard!
We are not going to introduce DNA from modern species which are potentially parthenogenic
So, so much quarantine.
Some modern reptiles would need to be kept in order to seed the local environment with suitable microflora and microfauna for the dinosaurs to pick up. You might have cloned a dinosaur, but I’d bet dollars for donuts you didn’t clone it’s intestinal flora!
Quarantine again. Nothing is getting off the island, and ideally nothing from visitors is contacting anything in the exhibit.
Ian Malcom has to walk around being opinionated about everything, and suitably paranoid.
The roof of every building gets an evacuation point for a helicopter.
The stegosaurs get extra treats.
(Image reads: #there would be fewer catastrophes #and boring movies #but I’m here for this)
Oh no no, we could have the best movie ever.
We just need a really good, enthusiastic, Steve Irwin type character who just thinks these dinosaurs are wonderful, let him do whatever he wants, and make Ian Malcom follow him around.
………….we knew this shit was an issue that staff has been ignoring for ages but it finally came to bite them in the ass
hey general psa that in the notes theres a bunch of really stupid misinformation bullshit (as i should have expected) abt how this is a fandom thing, about fanart/fanfiction, and i would just like to clarify for as many people as i can that this is not a fandom thing at all, it is an issue targeting IRL minors.
minors have been running “sex work” blogs, selling private snapchats, et cetera, using tumblr as their platforms. there are also adult rings of CP (photographs and videos of IRL minors) distributors on tumblr that have managed to slip by filters. this is the issue being looked into by law enforcement, this is the issue being pursued by tumblr, and it is the reason the purge is being done so hastily and messily (protection of minors being sexually trafficked is generally more important than avoiding Jane Doe #193′s doctor who blog being nuked by accident). reporting fandom blogs to tumblr for written content and fanart is only going to confuse the matter further and make it more likely that minors will be put at greater risk (if fake reports come in massive quantities and drown out the real reports or make alarm fatigue likely).
“look, it’s not like i hid anything, it just never came up!”
“You called yourself out for ‘straighsplaining’“
the whole bi thing goes completely over charles’ head and he keeps getting really aggro like “oh you and jake were real close huh?? too bad, sucker jake is MY best friend!”
everybody else is like “charles no”
at the end john mulaney turns out to be the embezzler they’ve been looking for
But he gets away by throwing a silver money clip with a fifty dollar bill in it in the gutter
I know Steve is really talented with his shield and is like an expert with it
but just imagine him smacking it in his face
or tripping over it
or waking up in the middle of the night and he shuffles off to the bathroom only to step on the edge of the shield and it smacks him in the shin and he curses loudly enough to wake up the other Howling Commandos who just sit up and start laughing at the way Steve is holding onto his leg and swearing
Seriously, though, super-soldier or not, watching Steve learn to use his shield must’ve been A+ comedy!
Steve throws it at some HYDRA goons but misses them by a mile and it bounces off a wall and flies out through a window, and Steve is just standing there, whoops, while Bucky rolls his eyes, takes out the enemies with his rifle, and jogs back outside to fetch the shield.
Steve hasn’t learnt the ctrl+c to crouch move yet; he holds the shield in front of his face and a HYDRA sniper shoots him in the thigh. Bucky facepalms because Steve you idiot, the shield only protects the bits of you actually behind it. Eventually, Steve masters the art of hiding his entire body behind the shield, tortoise-style, by ducking and having Bucky chuck pebbles at whatever parts of him are sticking out – of course Bucky has a wicked good aim and an even more wicked sense of humour, and Steve ends up with some rather embarrassing bruises.
The Commandos are on a stealth mission to infiltrate a secret HYDRA base, except the shield slips, falls, and does that rolling-metal-lid-dropped-on-the-ground sound like clang!!-grooiinnng-rooiinng-ooiinnnng-rnnnng-rrnng-rrnng-rrnng until Steve puts his foot on it. Everyone stops and just stares at him.
Also, my personal headcanon is that Steve once bet the shield in a hand of poker and Bucky won it. So it’s actually been Bucky’s shield since October 1944, Steve’s just borrowing it.
So it’s actually been Bucky’s shield since October 1944, Steve’s just borrowing it.
jinlinli 