it is pretty hard to find solid statistics on wolf attacks, but as far as i can tell, wolves in north america kill way way way less than one person a year, which means that forces more deadly to us than wolves include: dogs, ice fishing, and getting crushed by a falling flat screen tv.
…further complications to trying to write non-ridiculous angst into a werewolf story
“you don’t understand…i’ve done things under the full moon that i can never take back…one time i ate a squirrel”
“I SNIFFED MY OWN BUTT. THE INDIGNITY HAUNTS ME STILL.”
“i have pooped in the woods and now must go brood about it. don’t try to follow me.
…and seriously, be careful around your flatscreen, it is probably heavier that you think.”
European wolves (before they were hunted into extinction in most areas) attacked humans purposefully a lot; it’s in the historical record.
North American gray wolves have a natural fear of humans and attack people very rarely, really only when threatened or starving.
So like, imagine, like, a divide between people who got infected with Old World and New World lycanthropy. One makes you this dangerous beast that sees humans as a viable food source an another makes you perceive humans as a threat. Imagine people getting it wrong!
Some shady paranormal group capturing a werewolf to use as security but it just runs away when people trespass.
Some hunters go deep into the woods to murder a werewolf clan for their pelts but it turns out they’ve isolated themselves so deeply because they have the European strain and none of the hunters survive.
New werewolves are so confused because the websites give conflicting advice: get yourself to your nearest national park when you’re about to turn and just let yourself run free; if you try to cage yourself the claustrophobia and the smell of people will make you panic and you could really hurt yourself or someone else.
vs
If you’re anywhere near human civilization you must make sure you turn in a closed space that you can’t escape from in wolf form or you’ll definitely kill someone. Just try to take a nap during the full moon, OK.
And they’re like, WHAT DO I DO WHICH ONE DO I HAVE?
case in point, the global werewolf cultural divide!
on the subject of the global werewolf cultural divide, another update, per wikipedia:
Wolves from different geographic locations may howl in different fashions: the howls of European wolves are much more protracted and melodious than those of North American wolves, whose howls are louder and have a stronger emphasis on the first syllable. The two are however mutually intelligible, as North American wolves have been recorded to respond to European-style howls made by biologists (x)
what happens if you get mixed werewolf families? (i mean, do we know if european wolves and north american wolves have ever interbred?) like, do you lean to one side of the fear/eat humans divide or do you like, have some horrible combination, where you feel compelled to eat humans out of fear?
good thing i listen to exactly one song with explicit lyrics every day
I’ve been saying this for a while but Startup Bro is the new and terrifying lovechild of the brogrammer and the business major and he is somehow even more self-centered and bigoted than either of them
No, no, guys, look closely.
This house is looking for extremely physically fit young men (No drugs, no makeup, no special diet, exercise 15 hrs a week) who are passive and docile (no protests, no music lyrics with swears) who, most of all, will not be missed if they disappear(very little social media presence, not rich enough to own expensive luxury items, no need to constantly be in contact with their parents over bills/gifts, few identifying markings like tattoos)
Date a girl who is an Old God of the forest, whose antlers are coated in moss, whose hooves blend in with the forest floor, who calls the trees to her side as she sings
tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like
“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”
and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent
“I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”
“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”
“How about kimoNO.”
“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”
“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”
“THE POLICY IS ONE MONTH’S ADVANCE NOTICE ON PRE-1900s WOMEN’S FASHION FOR A REASON, DEBRA.”
Your cellphone vibrates in your pocket. Looking at the caller ID, it’s an unknown number. You answer. “Sir, we have your wife and children. If you don’t comply, we will kill them.” Your husband then asks who is calling you.
Write a story about a confrontation between a hero with traditional super powers and a villain who can enforce the laws of physics around you. (Example, ordinarily you can lift an ocean liner but they can make it crack under the obvious stress.)
Two men sit at the bar sneaking glances at your table. When the waitress brings you and your date drinks she places a napkin in front of you with “RUN” scrawled on it.
Concept: priest-king of theocratic city-state discovers that God’s aim is ever so slightly off, encourages precisely calibrated sinning among populace in order to smite rivals across the river.
This is some shit I’d do right here
How do you precisely calibrate sinning, I wonder? Is it a matter or location, or degree?
A fine art of “lust here, pride there, kick a goose that only slightly deserves it here”?
Or more a matter of “All right, everybody line up along the shore with lawn chairs and your drink of choice. We’re having a sloth-a-thon to tip the average in that direction.”
Yeah, I wish I could fly or run at super speed or teleport. Whose doesn’t?! But the superpower I crave most acutely is the ability to dreamwalk.
There are innocent uses. You show up in your friend’s recurring nightmares and tell her that this time, it’ll be okay – she’s safe, her dreams are made of dust and fantasy, and she can control them. You chase off the monsters and demons and teach her how to turn lucidity on and off. She can rest easy without your help.
But oh, god, you can also make the person who gave her those nightmares in the first place pay for it. Sleep tight, shitlord! What’s the matter? Did you have a bad dream? Are you ready to have bad dreams for the rest of your life? I hope you like sleep deprivation, asshole, ‘cause I’ve got a full tank of nightmare fuel and you’re riding shotgun.
Corrupt politician ready to vote for an evil bill? He can’t prove that you terrorize his dreams! Maybe he’s a rich bastard who will never experience any of the horrible consequences of his actions first hand…but he’s a rich bastard who wakes up screaming every night because The Ghost of Christmas Fuck You has come a-calling.
Honest to god this is so close to my mood right now I am cackling. Holy shit.
Dream is honestly the most underrated spell in D&D. I mean, think about it. You wait for your enemy to fall asleep, and bam! Take 3d6 psychic damage, a CR 3 Nightmare, and a level of exhaustion. You can literally torture someone with a low Wisdom save to death in their sleep across the course of a week.
Players, if you want to seriously screw with your DM, use this to have your PCs torment the BBEG. DMs, vice versa.
jinlinli 