honestly if a vampire ever “sparkled” in public no ones going to think they’re not human. they’re just gonna be like “damn that’s a lot of body glitter. man look at you being you, right on. you do you boo, freedom of expression.”
Vampires can go out in the sun now thanks to fenty body lava
assuming vampires breathe, and are therefore alive, what do they do
If they’re alive and they need it to survive, it’s permitted (provided they don’t kill people in so doing).
If they’re not alive, halacha doesn’t apply to them.
Either way, there is no reasonable halachic restriction on a vampire drinking blood.
but would it need to be from a kosher animal can they drink, like, dolphin blood
Okay now that gets interesting and I would want to actually ask a rabbi whether that would be a thing. like, if one must consume the blood of living things to survive, does it make a difference whether one limits it to the blood of kosher animals or not. I could see it being ruled either way. (I would think if there is only one type of blood one can metabolize or if only one type of blood is available, one can consume it regardless.)
I remember learning that human blood (not sure about animal blood) is permissible to consume if it has not been “poresh” (”separated”) from the body (in the context of “if you cut your lip or your finger and immediately and instinctively put it in your mouth, you don’t have to spit out the blood”).
So
Drinking blood out of a goblet or vacuum-sealed bag would be assur, but sinking your teeth into someone and drinking directly (so that the blood never touches the air or is in a vessel) would be okay.
I know that applies to one’s own blood, but I don’t know if the principle applies to someone else’s. But it may count as a possible precedent!
Okay, so I asked my rabbi about this (… yes, my actual rabbi). Short answer, @fenrisesque, is that the ideal situation is for the vampire to intravenously ingestblood that was donated by a human in order to stay alive, assuming that donation doesn’t kill the person. If homemade intravenously doesn’t work, then storeboughtoral ingestion is fine too. This applies whether or not the vampire can drink animal blood. Long answer, which I find fascinating but is long so under a cut:
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL please thank your rabbi for me
(also, consuming blood from a live person who will not be harmed by the loss of blood is completely different from killing and eating a person – because it is forbidden to derive material gain from a corpse, which includes using it for food, separately from any kosher/nonkosher issues.)
Where were you wonderful people when I was working on Tempus Fugitive???I?I
Listen I’m not a real religious person but the complete willingness of rabbis to seriously discuss whether various forms of possible vampire food are kosher is just the most amazing thing, and I feel like the Jewish people are really doing a lot of things right, is all.
Fun Vampire Fact; the reason that Vampires traditionally cannot see their reflections in a mirror is because mirrors used to be backed with a reflective layer of silver — which, as the metal of purity, would not ‘interact’ with Vampires, who are the Devil’s work.
However, modern mirrors have used aluminum as their reflective backing for many years now — and aluminum is not a ‘picky’ metal at all. So Vampires are able to see their reflections in modern mirrors.
All I can think about is a vampire used to not seeing their reflection in mirrors for centuries, and one day they are just walking along and unknowingly pass a mirror backed with aluminum and THEY NEARLY SHIT THEMSELVES.
vampires getting super invested in nutrition so they know how to take care of their humans, and then being horrified at what humans will actually consume:
three-day-old coffee
twenty piece chicken nuggets
one (1) granola bar as a meal
their own fingernails
humans lying about what they eat:
“How do pop rocks even work?” “They’re made of tiny larvae that explode when they come into contact with human saliva.” “… That can’t be real.”
the constant exasperated repitions of “human stuff” or “vampire stuff” whenever they don’t understand each other
humans dabbing garlic on their pulse points when they’re pissed
“C’mon, I’m starving, why are you like this?” “Are you sorry?” “Yes” “What’s the magic word, Clarence?” “Please?”
vampires that forget humans are delicate and accidentally hurt them
humans that act like wounded dogs over minor injuries just to watch vampires fall over themselves apologizing
vampires exaggerating time for comedic effect:
“I haven’t heard this song in forty years” “This came out in 2004″ “It’s been forty years. I have aged.” “You literally have not.”
“When was the last time you did any laundry?” “1965″ “Fuck you.”
telling vampires to “go back to your coffin” when they’re grumpy
humans constantly asking “how did they do this in your day?” about every single daily task
vampires who hoard tools and appliances from the time period they most enjoyed
young vampires flipping off the sun and screaming at it about evolution
old vampires who pull their collars up and frown behind their sunglasses
erroneous threats based on abilities no vampire actually has:
“I’m gonna show up to your wedding as a swarm of bats and shit on the cake”
Vampires are just nocturnal, the same way we are diurnal. A vampire could go out during the day, but they would just rather be sleeping.
Vampires are just afraid of the light, the same way we are afraid of the dark. Their eyes are meant to see in the dark, so they just can’t see very well in the light. It hurts their eyes and they can’t see what’s around them, so it’s just scary.
Some vampire was probably too afraid to admit that he was afraid of the light, so he made up a fake allergy to the sun. Word got out to mortals, so we just assumed that all vampires are allergic to the sun. You know how mortals like to stereotype and whatnot.
But imagine pop, sunny vampires that are the vampire version of goth, dark humans. They like to go out in the sun and wear bright clothes, and the other vampires think it’s metal as fuck. “Oh, you know Victoria Anne III? Yeah she’s totally pop. Her friends call her Susan.”
On today’s installment of Terry Pratchett did it first:
“I thought you’d like this sort of thing, dear,” said the Countess. “It’s the sort of thing your crowd does, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” said the girl.
“Oh, staying up until gone noon, and wearing brightly colored clothes, and giving yourselves funny names,” said the Countess.
“Like Gertrude,” sneered Vlad. “And Pam. They think it’s cool.”
Lacrimosa turned on him furiously, nails out. He caught her wrist, grinning.
“That’s none of your business!”
“Lady Strigoiul said her daughter has taken to calling herself Wendy,” said the Countess. “I can’t imagine why she’d want to, when Hieroglyphica is such a nice name for a girl. And if I was her mother I’d see to it that she at least wore a bit of eyeliner—”
“Yes, but no one drinks wine,” said Lacrimosa. “Only real weirdos who file their teeth blunt drink wine—”
“Maladora Krvoijac does,” said Vlad. “Or ‘Freda,’ I should say—”
“No she doesn’t!”
“What? She wears a silver corkscrew on a chain round her neck and sometimes there’s even a cork on it!”
“That’s just a fashion item! Oh, I know she says she’s partial to a drop of port, but really it’s just blood in the glass. Henry actually brought a bottle to a party and she fainted at the smell!”
“Henry?” said the Countess.
Lacrimosa looked down sulkily. “Graven Gierachi,” she said.
“The one who grows his hair short and pretends he’s an accountant,” said Vlad.
“I just hope someone’s told his father, then,” said the Countess.
jinlinli 