Tag: advice

madamslayyy:

transiting:

don’t make other people’s decisions for them. apply for the job you don’t think you’ll get. let them decide if you have the skills they’re looking for. tell that person you like them even though you think they’re out of your league. let them decide if they like you. stop trying to predict and control everything. bring what you have to the table. let the rest go.

Look at this great advice I’m never going to take

sodomymcscurvylegs:

bloodybookworm:

jumpingjacktrash:

ham4sprwholck:

Way too many parents need to learn the difference between “a child being disrespectful” and “a human person expressing an opinion that differs from theirs”

my mom had a nice technique for this. when i’d give her sass, she’d say, “i don’t speak rude, what’s that in polite-person-ese?”

basically, she’d encourage me to rephrase my opinion without the attitude. so “UGH, you NEVER let me do ANYTHING!” would (often after quite a bit of bitching and grumbling) turn into “it feels like every time i have a fun idea, you say no, and i just end up sitting around the house.”

and at that point we could troubleshoot like civilized people. she could explain that she didn’t want me to go to jimmy’s sleepover because jimmy’s dad creeps her out, and i could suggest maybe i could have andy over instead, and she could say sure, why not call peter and stacy and brianna and have your own party, i’ll pop some popcorn and rent a movie, and i could add what if we put up tents in the back yard and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows, and she could laugh and say don’t push it.

I really like this technique because it addresses the OPs comment but recognizes that the two can coexist. The problem is often the child is expressing their opinion in a rude or disrespectful way. And as humans we automatically become adverse to opinions we feel are aggressive toward us.

This is good parenting.

thebibliosphere:

splinteredstar:

thebibliosphere:

One of the things that really gets to me on any of my positivity posts that get vaguely popular, is the sheer number of people deriding it for false optimism and wishy washy sentiment.

Simple statements like “hang in there, it gets better” are met with comments like “does it though, does it really” and things like “yea maybe if you’re neurotypical”, and here’s the thing: yes the fuck it does, and I’m sorry that you can’t see that right now, but please don’t assume that just because I’m not drowning in active nihilism, doesn’t mean I’m not struggling.

I’m not spouting false platitudes. I’m not trying to undermine your depression. What I am doing is trying to circumvent my own depression and suicidal thoughts by not giving them a foothold.

You don’t know this, but my own internal soundtrack is pretty bleak. The words “I want to die” float across my brain pretty often. It’s not even a conscious thought, it’s just there, like background noise in a cacophony of all the other shit that’d tear me apart if I’d let it.

I’m a chronically ill being with mental health issues, a worsening pain disorder and a history of childhood trauma.

So yes, I do understand what you’re feeling in context. I understand the maw of bleakness where life ought to be.

But I also understand that in order to get better you have to challenge it.

I don’t make jokes about suicide. I don’t jokingly say things like “I want to die”, because it is a slippery slope towards validating what my illness wants me to believe. So I take steps, not to avoid it because I cant avoid it, but to adjust my way of thinking.

And I do this, by telling myself out loud over and over, that it gets better. One day at a time, every day I’m still alive is a good day.

And fuck you for trying to take that from me. Hope is a survival mechanism. It keeps us going when there’s nothing else left. And sometimes we have to create our own.

Get help. I’m serious. Get the help you need and deserve, because that desire to convince others the world is dark and awful? It’s not healthy. And it’s not the only way life has to be.

You deserve to get better. Start telling yourself that. Every day for the rest of your life if you have to. And if you can’t tell yourself that right now, I’m here to do it for you.

You deserve better. And I hope one day you’ll see that.

I mean, for me, what’s important is – acknowledging the feelings that I have, not the ones I feel like I’m supposed to have? Like. I grew up in the “if you’re not happy all of the time then you’re disappointing God” area of things. And sometimes the positivity (not yours, joy, but ya know) can feel that way – that you’re letting yourself down. So I’m in pain and now its my own fault for not smiling? And all.

So for me it’s necessary and healthy to say “yes I feel like shit today, yes my brain is full of angry weasels, yes i want to die sometimes.” And for that to not be a moral failing, ya know?

And then I look at the emotion, admit it, and sort of go “that is not a helpful response, so here’s what we’re going to do instead.” I basically pull a nick fury on them – “I acknowledge that my brain has made a decision, but…..”

Idk bibliomum, maybe that’s what you were getting at.

What you’re describing isn’t despair or nihilism, nor is it negative. It’s acknowledging your emotions and working through them.

It’s a profoundly important part of recovery.

What is not part of recovery is stopping short at “I want to die” which is what so many fucking people post on my posts.

Someone this morning literally left the message “cool story OP but I still want to die” Yea? Well guess what, me too. But I acknowledge it’s not a healthy thought and I make steps to work through my shit, instead of attempting to undermine the recovery of others. And tumblr has such a toxic mentality towards recovery. It’s almost like if you dare to get better, you weren’t sick to begin with, and that is adamantly not true.

Recovering from mental health issues is hard, ugly work that requires active participation and regular intervention to keep going. But it is possible, and it’s important to remember that what looks like recovery for some is still illness to others, but you take what you can. I will likely never not be depressed. I will likely always have that part of my brain that wants me to jump. But I can learn to better live with it so it doesn’t win. And live is the key word there.

froborr:

tinsnip:

Don’t assume malice. Assume ignorance. Life is easier, the world is kinder, and you can educate. Actual malice is pretty rare, I find. 

Always remember Hanlon’s Razor–”Never assume malice when incompetence will suffice as an explanation.”

That’s said, never forget Fred Clark’s Law, either: “Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.” There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice–at which there is simply no way to become that ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.

Actual good first-time college student advice:

franzurapika:

studyingallnight:

fightostudy:

beauty-and-learning:

saintmosshart:

lampurple:

  • Wear jeans/pants that “breathe” and bring a sweater, even if it’s scorching hot out, until you know which building blasts the AC to 60 degrees F and which feels like a sauna
  • Backpacks with thick straps are your friend!  Messenger bags are cool and all but if you’re commuting with a lot of stuff, symmetrically styled backpacks are better for your back
  • You are your own person and you can walk out whenever you need to or want to, so long as you’re not disrupting the class.  Meaning you can go to the bathroom without permission, take a breather if you’re anxious, answer an important phone call, etc.
  • If you don’t like the class on the first day, if you can- DROP THAT CLASS AND TAKE ANOTHER ONE!  It’ll only get worse from there!
  • If you can, take a class outside your major; it’s a good break from your expected studies.
  • You are in charge of your schedule.  Your adviser and guidance counselor is there to ‘advise and guide’ but if you don’t like certain classes and you can substitute for others, that’s your choice.
  • Consequently, if you are changing anything drastic in your plan, talk with your adviser and instructors.
  • Pay attention to your credit hours and grades.  Never leave this to the last week of school, you will be sorry and stressed beyond belief!
  • Unless it’s a lab book or otherwise specified, go to the class for a week or so before buying an expensive textbook.  Some classes, while having it on their required list, do not actually use the textbook a whole lot and you might find some of it scanned online.  Rent if you can or buy used online (schools actually don’t give discounts).  Use your best judgement on what you think you need.
  • Tell the people who go up to you selling or advertising things you are not interested in that you are in a rush to class and don’t have time to listen to them.  It’s less rude and they’ll leave you alone.
  • The smaller the class, the better it is to have some sort of acquaintanceship with a couple classmates.  They might save your ass if you are absent one day or need to study.  And talking with them makes the time go by faster without it being so insufferable.
  • You don’t need to join a club or sport, but internships are cool and useful!
  • If you can afford it, take a day off once or twice each semester if you’re too exhausted.  Just be aware of what you missed and if it was worth missing!
  • Your health is the most important, this goes for mental health too!!  Note: College-age/upper teens is when mental disorders like depression and anxiety are most commonly diagnosed.  Most schools have therapy services, especially during exam time.  Look into it if you need to!
  • Communicate with your professor if you are having trouble with something.  Anything.
  • Eat and stay hydrated.  Bring a water bottle and snack to class.
  • All-nighters will happen but never go over 36 hours without sleep.
  • It’s going to be hard and there will be times you might think about giving up.  This WILL happen.  You just have to make sure what you’re doing isn’t making you absolutely miserable and/or there is something rewarding and positive to look forward to at the end!

I did none of this and it bit me in the ass every time so this is EXCELLENT ADVICE.

ADDITIONAL ADVICE

Don’t let a mental health day turn into a mental health week because you will be so screwed.

Pay attention to the syllabus and do not lose it. A lot of professors put all of the assignment due dates in there and ONLY in there.

If your school has blackboard or moodle etc. CHECK IT. a lot of professors will only post certain info there and not talk about it in class

Check your student email account weekly. A lot of it will be unimportant junk but sometimes it’s the only way professors will communicate.

Check your student email multiple times DAILY. 

THANK YOU. I’m so glad i have resources like this queued up in my ‘college’ tag bc honestly i was so stressed before

Advice from someone who really fucked up their freshman year:

READINGS ARE NOT OPTIONAL.

I REPEAT. READINGS. ARE. NOT. OPTIONAL.

Put them in your schedule, read BEFORE class. And summarise it. For bonus points, come up with some questions about the text and go introduce yourself to your professor either after class or during office hours, and ask them about it. This will make them much more likely to remember you in a positive light (and possibly bump your grade up if you hit a hard patch.)

Your library will have a copy of your textbook. If you cannot afford to rent it, you can go to the library and borrow it from the front desk for a few hours whenever you need it. It is there for you, okay? 

SO DO YOUR READINGS.

COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PROF!! Most of us do not want to screw you over, but cannot usually do very much after the fact.

Note to self

404youbroketheinternet:

girlandgeese:

Stop thinking: “I’m not talented enough to execute this concept.”
Start thinking: “I’m going to be a stronger artist when I’ve finished this piece.”

This is a fixed mindset vs. a growth mindset.

Your abilities are not static, and any challenges you have, anything that turns out different from how you imagined, is not evidence of failure, just a struggle towards improvement.